Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession
Love me or hate me, that is the question
If you love me then, thank you!
If you hate me then, fuck you!
Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession
Love me or hate me, that is the question
If you love me then, thank you!
If you hate me then, fuck you!
|
Friday 5 September 2008 @ 9:49 pm
When Life gets a lil bit too boring!!!
|
|
Wednesday 3 September 2008 @ 1:42 am
Complicating?
Here i am, 1.42am, typing. I switch off my laptop awhile ago and then i took a shower and in the shower, i was thinking and sorting thru my feelings, love. I told myself ok, i need to type this or i will not know how to explain how i feel. Well, in another words, i just needed to get my feelings out. you know what i mean, its like how every year or every few months i would sure to have some entry saying, "Love is Complicating" and there i go typing the same shit all over again.
Honestly, i do not know how to feel or what to feel. Or rather i have no luck in love. I just got out from 2 yrs relationship and the pain i went thru, is something i have not ever felt before, the pain, shiver, disappointment and the anger within, the moment the truth was out, the hurtful and painful truth. I told myself to get up from the pain and get myself busy, just to ease the pain, laugh over it, get busy over it, but some how it still seems to haunt me. The pain never left. Being nice doesn't get you anywhere. I learn not to fully love, to give your 110% of love, to put in too much effort, to ignore signs, if i do, i will only fall every hard, and thats what happen to me. Only when one loses the one, he or she will only start to regret after playing a lil bit and then releasing its already too late then. By then it would be really hard to save the painful and slaughtered bleeding heart. Till now, the heart still bleeds. Everyday i wonder, am i really that unlucky in love, or its just not the right time, Will i ever get over it? I just want to be busy, be happy and just laugh over it, but it still haunts at the end of the day when i am alone. Alone in my room, on my bed, trying to fall asleep, the memories only start to appear again, the heart starts to bleed again. is it better to be love or to love? something that no one can really answer if you really think through it. What do you, or another words, i want in love. I maybe still young but at least i still need to know, i learn from the hard way. Do i want someone who can just act the role of a boyfriend but doesnt make me feel love. Or rather, i feel secure around a guy who can be a boyfriend but doesnt show love. Acting the role like, An empty shell, a guy who acts like one but doesnt express anything. Who hardly knows how to sayang, Manja, accept my flaws and just love me, to communicate to talk to listen and to joke with. Not expressing not talking is painful. ... ah you know what i mean Or be around a person, who can makes me smile, laugh, love me, acts like a bofriend, to manja me, to sayang me but the only thing is..... ( here comes the part) there is no trust from the person. or rather he made me lost trust him. A person who broke my heart over and over again and then stabbing it over and over again, made me cry for almost 1 full day, in another words almost 24hrs non stop. Crying every night over the painful incident? made me lost total trust, Some one whom i love so dearly but yet broke my heart and tore it and put into the shredder machine. and then disperse into thin air. He trys hard, but yet he fails, cos i am afraid I try to get it over the pain but i cant..... i still am in pain, i try to heal it, but now its making it worst. I must get busy i must not think..... so complicating.... I hate love I love Love. The Pain is intriguingly painful. OR am i asking too much in love. am i asking too much or am i just afraid to be badly hurt again. MAYBE its all karma, its just karma..... i am unlucky in love.... sigh i wanna be numb numb in the hearrt. i wan to be a heartless bitch again. to hurt and to F off. nah, too childish, F just get busy with life..... Its so hard to find the right love. think about it....Its not hard, its easy but its very tiring, it tires me out, it sucks the energy out. I dont want to be hurt. I rather love a dog and knows it will definately love me back. I want to fly far away from all this. I just........... .............. tooo emotional too much pain too much feeling no i am not having PMS, its tiring to love. i hate this, i am tired to love. i am tired of everything. no much pain. The aching heart. Love is like a See-Saw. Its hardly equally Balance, Balance only when no one sits onto it, if not its aways Up & down. Either Be Love or To love. Never Love all Together. I fully now understand the meaning of losing someone trust is the hardest to gain back. I love and Hate the feeling of love. I hate the feeling i have, the muffled & pain Heart, each time it beats, i feel like i cant breathe. Speechlessss....... |
|
@ 12:46 am
losing interest
|