I am annoyed
I am Depress.
My fucking Internet is down.
I am stressed up and annoyed by my mum over the house matter
About being poor, about having nowhere to live.
To stay on the streets to stay with our relative whom I totally dislike
Whom I totally hate and discriminate against this arsehole
I am annoyed from my mum to get my money back from a total loser who is aaa irresponsible ARSEHOLE who have no fucking brains.
I am annoyed. By the word cash by the looks of cash and by the way things have to be
The way things to be as in everything have to do with cash.
I am annoyed with me having to pay the bills on my own all the time. When have I been doing this? Since I was 15. Paying bills on my own. People say, people who? People la! People say, cut your cell phone line. Cut your Internet line. Ok if I do that how is anyone going to contact me when I am always out, I am always in school, I am always busy and not being at home at all.
The only time I am at home is when I get to sleep and spent hours and hours online.
Why do I have to get things on my own, yes, I know this is all part of life. Part of growing up? BUT hello I am still a freaking student? I have to get things I want on my own, cell phone that I like, camera that I like, rollerblades on my own. My parents don’t believe in giving cash to their kids, as in extra. I have to learn every thing on my own. Why do I have to go through a life where I have to decide on whose side I am own when it comes to my parents? Being the middle person for my parents when they need to settle anything.
Why cant I lead my life like a proper kid, a proper teenage, a proper young adult. Did I even deserve such a thing.
Why do I get parents like that. Why do I have to go through so much suffering? Yet I show a different face in front of friends.
A happier, lucky and chirpy person.
And yet, when I try to depend ony my friends to forget all my troubles it never seems to stay that way forever, it only last for awhile. Even it is hard to get a boyfriend who can love me, a love I want to replace that I never had when I was younger, a love that was abandoned years ago.
I am always looking for the love to replace my parents love. I never felt the love from my parents.
I cannot depend on anyone, yet I have to learn how to be independent and strong, to be alone, but yet all this makes me upset, depress and confuse, so confuse I do not know how and if I should even turn t o anyone, there is nothing anyone can do about my situation but just leave it in me, leaving it in me to rot away, hoping and wishing, every minute I close my eyes for a miracle, a miracle to wish all this didn’t happen, I am so depress, so upset and so down.
All alone, not even my friends and boyfriend can do a thing about it.

Life ain’t that simple after all, so complicated I just feel like ending it. End of all my problems.

01.10am – 6 September 2006.